If you remember that song at all, which was basically her only hit, then you're probably around my age. But before I continue, let me warn that this will be basically be an un-tampered-with, stream of consciousness rant. And the only reason I'm not keeping this in any sort of private journal or anything is because I know for a fact that I am not the only person who feels this way. And I also don't really give a damn anymore.
So back to being around my age. I'm not even a year out of my bachelor's degree and I still don't have a so-called "real job." I can't for the life of me figure out how much this should really bother me. Other friends are at differing levels. Some are hardcore driven to have a "good" job and be successful, some are not really worried at all. I've never been career-driven. Having a good job would not be something that would make or break my overall happiness. Yeah, it would really help with my student loans etc, but I don't want my lack of a "real" job to rule my life right now. I have a job right now that manages to pay the bills, but of course I'm trying to find something better. I just don't know what to make of all the pressure to get a better job. Why is there so much pressure? My parents seem so disappointed in me and that makes me disappointed in myself, but I don't understand why. Why should I be disappointed in myself? I don't know what the world expects of people my age.
And speaking of that. I hate that in school we're all basically told that if we do well and graduate college, we'll get a good job and have 2.5 kids and a white picket fence. And anyone without some sort of degree is looked down upon, and people who don't go through all the steps in order are looked down upon too. I hate all of the outside influences. The expectation you'll be married and have kids and live in a suburb and have a day job. I want so badly to ignore it all but it's virtually impossible because, mostly, I hate disappointing people. I want my parents to be proud of me. But it doesn't seem like they are. People make me feel like if I don't have a secure job then my future is basically garbage. I don't WANT to feel that way. I just want to live. But then saying so makes me feel like I look lazy or something. And I can't just be like, screw you all, I'm going to Italy. As much as I would absolutely adore that. But I can't. Because I don't like hurting people even when the alternative hurts me.
So what to do? I just don't feel like the kind of person who wants to stuff myself into a shitty, but well paying job and be virtually miserable for most of my life. If it's a job in my field then of course I wouldn't be miserable, but those seem hard to come by. Why does it seem frowned upon in America to be happy? Lol I don't know. I just don't like the "live to work" mentality. It's not how I operate at all. "I have to be productive and successful" blah blah blah. No, no you don't. But if that's what makes you happy then go for it. Eventually I need to figure out what makes me happy. I feel extremely caged right now, even though I'm perfectly free.