Tuesday, June 21, 2011

Too Late for Father's Day

You've really got to be kidding me. I just happened upon a story about this...razor. This $100,000 razor. This limited edition, only 99 made...razor. My bafflement is beyond me. Of all possible things. Of all things to use iridium for. A metal so rare that it's usually only found in meteorites that crashed to earth. And...all of this two days after Father's Day. What a bummer.

Who at Zafirro, the creator of this thing, thought of making a razor. I want to be a fly on the wall in that board meeting:

Super Executive #1: Ok. So we have this iridium. And we have some synthetic sapphire to use as well. What can we make with this?

Super Executive #2: *instantly, with no hesitation whatsoever* A razor.

*Everyone starts to cheer. Super Executive #2 has just put forth the most brilliant idea of the century*

Intern: Erm...couldn't we, I don't know, do something useful with the iridium? It IS really durable and...

*Executives stop congratulating each other and turn to stare*

Super Executive #1: I'm sick of this Gillette razor cutting me and breaking every two years. And Gillette is a gay name anyway.

Intern: But this is something that'll potentially be worth thousands of dollars. You can't possibly--

Super Executive #2: Oh yes, yes we can. Super Executive #1, start drawing up some plans. We've got ourselves a mega-razor to create.

I want this to be a joke. As much as I want to quote the entire description for its absolute ridiculousness, (you can do so here if you really want) I give you this one sentence which made me absolutely lose it: "The resulting combination of exotic materials pushes the boundaries of technology while creating an aesthetic that could be the centerpiece of a gallery collection." A gallery collection. The most innovative razor in the entire world, that you paid $100,000 for, and you're just going to sit it in a glass box to look at. What a wonderful way to utilize all of that money you have.

Also sickening is the fact that, according to them, "One of the primary uses of iridium has been rocket engine components because of its extreme durability." Well I'm glad it's not being used for ROCKET ENGINE components anymore. THAT was certainly a useless endeavor.

But here is my brilliant idea for iridium. Apparently it will withstand the heat if dropped into a volcano. So, let's make a few Rings of Power and play Lord of the Rings. I get the One Ring because I came up with the idea. A much better idea if you ask me.

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