Saturday, October 15, 2011

Admitting You Have a Problem

Hi. My name is Ashley, and I have a problem.

I need the iPhone 4S. I mean...I want the iPhone 4S. Which basically means that I need it. It isn't really a want, because due to a lot of calculating and fanangling, I can get it for $20 or so. So why not, right? I mean it'd be stupid not to. I want to correct the mistake I made last time and get a white one this time. And it'll be a creamy block sitting there in front of me, its milky sheen whiter than my own pasty white skin tone. I'll take it out on dates, buy it some lo mein, probably propose to it if things go well, then it'll probably end up dumping me and kicking me out of our house because it needs "space," and I know I'm always touching it because I'm obsessed with Doodle Jump but that's no reason...

Let me start over.

I want the iPhone 4S. There is no justification whatsoever for needing it. I have the iPhone 4. I adore it. But the 4S is betterrrrr. [Insert lots of whining here, where the last word of every sentence is drawn out like thissssssss]

It also stems from sort of immortal tech competition between me and my father. All my life, if I ever found out that he had some newer software or gadget, oh man did I need it. He had an iPhone for at least a year or two before me, and I made sure to glower at him when he'd want to show me something amazing on it. Shortly after that, however, I began to take the reins as the owner of only the finest new gadgets in the family. I got my iMac; he bought one a year later. I got an iPad; he bought one shortly after. I got an iPhone 4 when he still had the 3GS. And then he got the iPhone 4S. And now I'm stewing in jealousy like a beef stroganoff.

Nevertheless, unless something miraculously simple comes along, I won't go out of my way to obtain it. I owe this to a book I picked up recently entitled Obsessive Consumption, by Kate Bingaman-Burt. Basically going to be recording every single thing I purchase(yes, every useless thing I actually spend my money on) for a year or longer. This will begin on November 1, which seems fitting because this is when lots of Christmas shopping begins. I think it'll be an interesting project. Also thinking of drawing the things I purchased like Bingaman-Burt did, so I might even post pictures of the occasional day's purchases. Even thinking of becoming really ballsy and drawing these things in an iPad app with a stylus...exclusively. Because nothing says ballsy like drawing on a gadget instead of using actual pen and paper. Doesn't get anymore badass than that.

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